Thursday, August 9, 2012

It's one of those days...

So, I've been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother. Love the show. In one episode, Robin asks Ted something to the likes of, "Have you ever had one of those days where nothing really significant happens, but at the end it makes you question your whole life?" My answer is yes. Today is one of those days.

I'm going to be honest with you. My life the past two years has been a self-destructive mess. Besides changing my major to something that has zero job prospects, I've worked a few mediocre jobs followed by a great job that in turn laid me off because of an illness that no doctor in northeastern Ohio can diagnose. I've started two manuscripts. Both of which sit at about 40% completion without the obvious multiple re-writes and edits. I've been to the Netherlands three times. I'm trying to learn Dutch and Japanese. I'm getting a certification to teach English as a second language. I read a book every few weeks and write reviews for www.luxuryreading.com.

Wow, when I spell it out, I feel like I've done more than I think.

But it takes a few crappy events in one day to make me think that every career choice, every decision, every day I spend watching TV more than writing is a mistake. I feel useless being unemployed, even if I'm learning two languages, writing two books and reviewing books. I just feel . . . like I don't matter.

Mind you, some of the events today weren't small, but I know they will be in the whole scheme of life. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

I don't know why life gets to us sometimes. I have no clue how a day can start with sunshine and end hiding in a huge hoodie on my boyfriend's bed in almost tears. But I can tell you this:

You are not alone.

It's okay to have days where you question everything. Frankly, I would be more concerned if I didn't question my life. I don't want to just slide through the next 60 years without asking myself if I'm doing it right. I keep telling myself that it's normal, but I think what helps me more than that is knowing that there are people out there going through the same crap as me.

We are the first generation where college has not helped us get better jobs. We're the generation with the highest unemployment rate since the Great Depression. We are the generation that looks for politicians and older adults to fix our problems.

Well, I'm here to say I know what the problem is. It's us. Accept that life sometimes will suck. Accept that you will have to take a crappy job even if you graduated with honors. In the Great Depression people worked for whatever crappy wage an hour because they had to. They didn't have unemployment and all these government programs bailing them out. They dealt with it.

And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to deal with my problems and not expect everyone else to fix it for me. So what if unemployment is cutting me off? So what if I can't find a stable job I'll love? That's life.

Accept it.

No comments:

Post a Comment